Birthday Blah
Does anyone else lapse into feeling somewhat sorry for themselves in the weeks before their birthday? I'm about 2 weeks away from a birthday, and every year, as soon as March hits, it feels like the only party I want to have is a pity party.
And it has nothing to do with how old I'm turning. I actually don't have such big issues with how old I am. Sure, I'm turning 29. Last year of my 20s...that time when lots of women flip their shit, lament all their eggs that have dropped in vain, and all the youth that's behind them, how single they are, etc. And sure, I'm kind of in that boat, but timelines are stupid, and I don't really care so much about that.
I've also been telling people I'm 30 for like 2 years already because it makes me feel better professionally. As if a late-twenty-something doesn't demand as much respect as a 30-year-old business woman. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe not. But 30 doesn't scare me. 35 might. But only if I'm still living in a studio apartment.
No, I get all weird about my birthday because I never know what to DO about it. I always feel like I either have to A) plan my own party, which is self-indulgent or B) ask someone else to do it, which reeks of desperation. It feels like you have to ask people to care about you, and that kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it? And I guess I've never had those kind of people who do it for you without asking.
The last few years, I've organized my own birthdays. I try to keep it small, just the people to whom I feel especially close. Either a dinner out somewhere, or I have them over and cook. But in every case, I always stress about whether those people will like each other, and if they'll all be happy with the food. So what about planning my own birthday is worth it or fun for me? Yeah, not much.
So this year...I'm bailing. I have a plan to mark the occasion (that was a clue) that involves 2 people who have been especially important to me this year, but that's it. No party. No dinner. No stress. Let's see how it goes. I, for one, am relieved and looking forward to it.
age, birthday, contemplation | in All Things Elana, Waxing Philosophic
Reader Comments (8)
Congrats! Let the stress go. Go out to dinner with a few close friends. Let someone else do the cooking and dishes. Enjoy yourself! Your birthday should be about you, not other everyone else.
You've just gotta move down south, where party planning is so much more organic! If it was your birthday and you lived here, we'd just throw some food on the grill and call out to everyone passing by, "Come on over for Elana's birthday, y'all!" Then we'd all feast, visit, and sip lemonades on the veranda. Granted, the NY scene (as I remember it) didn't have neighbors swapping meals and sipping lemonades together, but I think you could go for the same effect--casual, spontaneous, and thrown together. Come as you are, wear what you want, and we'll see you at suppertime! :)
Hey Elana,
Girl, are you crazy? 29? You got the world by the grapes. Who calls 29 old? To coin Doug-Dennis: BAH.
As far as the birthday celebrations go, I hear ya. I grappled with the cake-no-cake, party-no-party thing for a while until I stumbled onto something better: I like to call it Birthday Month. It's my own little invention and you're welcome to give it a whirl.
Birthdays, being a celebration of us as individuals, should go on without ceasing. However, a drunken party of "So glad you're here on Earth" could really put a stopper in the drudgery of Mondays. Since this would never do, I figure Birthday Month can be pared down to a one month showdown of self-praise and recognition.
So, for your entire birthday month, you get yourself a present EVERY SINGLE DAY. Show your appreciation for having you. Whatever makes you happy: a pack of gum, a new mouse pad, a new hazelnut latte, whatever. Small extravagance is key. I love packages arriving on my doorstep better than I love hot fudge sundaes with peanut butter, so there it is. I try to work it out so that somebody drops something on my porch most days of the month. Books, a frivolous kitchen gadget, a DVD to watch with the fam...whatever is takes to make me happy, I'll do it.
During Birthday Month, I also: say no; turn down Tupperware, Chef, Candles & Purse Party invitations; tell really dirty jokes; take the long way home just because I want to listen to the rest of a song; eat dessert for dinner at least once a week if not once a day; and stay in my jammies on weekends, eating crackers in bed while watching re-runs of whatever I want. I may also run with sharp objects.
An interesting caveat of Birthday Month is that when everyone sees you having such a great birthday month, they're going to want to know when you're *really* celebrating. So that's when you invite them for cocktails and buy the first round (because having good friends to drink with is one of the best gifts you can give yourself over the long haul).
It's there if you want it. Enjoy!
~Misty
Happy Birthday. You're over thinking this. The older you get, the more you realize that a birthday is like any other day. You can do what you want. Maybe you'd like to spend the day being lazy in front of the TV or forgetting about submissions and reading what YOU want to read. No one is going to judge you on how big of a party you have, so quit judging yourself. Go out to dinner with your best girl friend and be happy.
To clarify, I don't think 29 is old. But...I'll still be sad to see my 20s end...
Misty - I has a boss who did birthday month. And she also had a March birthday, so my birthday always got overlooked at work, because nothing could rain on her Birthday Month Parade. Some people...
Joyce - I think ultimately I'm in your school on this one.
Okay, Uncle. Delete post and carry on without Birthday Month~
Funny, but I felt worse when I turned 29 than when I turned thirty. That was before I was married and I think I was a little depressed because every girl I had ever dated seemed to have severe emotional issues. So then I realized that the common denominator was me, and that's just depressing. Anyway, that was also the year I met the woman who would become my wife and now that I'm 39 (turning 40 this year) I'm not nearly as depressed about it. Actually I'm not depressed at all because "old age" looks good on me! :) So it may seem counter-intuitive, but how you feel about your age will change as you get older. At least that's my experience SO FAR. :)
Happy Birthday, Elana! Hang in there! Think back to that Monty Python sketch where King Arthur says, "Old Woman!"
"man."
"What?"
"and I'm not old. I'm 37."
So 29 ain't bad. Certainly not old.